There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country with a new series called, A Field Guide to the People of America.
This week’s subject: New Jersey Sicilians. More specifically, the Guido species (Newjerseyus Trashus).
Let’s get to know them, shall we?
1. What They Look Like
The New Jersey Guido can be identified most easily for its distinctive hairstyle, the Blow-Out. Which consists of shaving off the sideburns and gelling the hair into spikes [shown below in Fig 1.1].
The Guido can also be spotted for its noticeably dark, spray tan [pictured below in Fig 1.2].
Other common traits of the Guido include wife beater t-shirts, steroid-enhanced muscles, and a large jaw-line [see Fig 1.3 below].
2. Where To Find Them
When the Guido is not posting pictures or videos of himself and his friends on the internet, he can be found in the dance clubs of the New Jersey Shore [pictured below Fig 2.1].
Other locations to spot Guidos include construction sites, plumbing services, and clubs (as bouncers)
3. Hobbies
Among the most popular hobbies of Guido include dancing erratically at clubs, drinking Jager Bombs, being racist toward black people, lifting weights, objectifying women, and wearing lip gloss [pictured below in Fig 3.1].
4. Approaching Them in the Wild
Now that you’ve seen who they are, why not say “Hi” when you see one? Although, a warning: the Guido does not like to be approached. At first he will ask, “What the f*&k you looking at?”, or “You f&*king looking at me?” So it is important that you present yourself as a Guido, so he can relate to you.
And most importantly: Have Fun
-Nick
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Tags: best yearbook photo ever, blow out jersey boy, blowout hair cuts, blowout haircuts, blowouts, blowouts haircuts, britney spears, entertainment, google, guido, guidofistpump, guidos, haircuts, humor, jersey blowout, jersey blowout pic, jersey blowouts, jersey boys, jersey boys haircuts, jersey guidos, life, Music, new jersey blowouts, news, obama, photos, Presidential Candidates looking Retarded, scientology, spray tan jersey boyz, the panda page, thepandapage, wordpress
April 9, 2008 at 10:14 pm |
[...] my own blog blowing-up-internet-shut-in news, i can’t tell if nick is from and/or residing in jersey. keep it up sir schacmatic @ 9:06 pm [filed under [...]
April 10, 2008 at 9:45 am |
One of those pictures is me!
April 10, 2008 at 9:51 am |
This is soooo true…..too funny!!!
They can also be filed under Douches….
April 10, 2008 at 9:51 am |
This is soooo true…..too funny!!!
They can also be filed under Douches….
April 10, 2008 at 9:52 am |
I am 42 but young at heart. Every year I see new and stunning and totally unexpected new fashion statements emerge. But I never looked at once that was so intentionally post-camp horrible, ludicrous and off-putting as this one. I can not possibly imagine why a woman would want to get involved with one of this flavor of men, though the slag in the lowest image provides me with some measure of clue why.
This kind of pics makes make me pine for the long lost days of stalinist eugenics.
April 10, 2008 at 10:08 am |
you forgot to add something under “What They Look Like”. all true guidos shave their chests, arms and legs. notice no chest hair in any of those photos?
April 10, 2008 at 10:11 am |
damn, I hate them guidos. the downfall of the white rice, I feel bad for Italians since 99.9% guidos are of that ethnic stock.
April 10, 2008 at 10:16 am |
What’s with the plucked eyebrows?
April 10, 2008 at 10:22 am |
[...] A lot of people use the Internet these days. That’s why today, The Panda Page wants to break down the anonymity of the Web with a new series called, A Field Guide to Internet People.This week’s subject: New Jersey Sicilians. More specifically, the Guido species.http://thepandapage.com/2008/04/09/62-a-field-guide-to-internet-people-guidos/” rel=”dc:… [...]
April 10, 2008 at 10:23 am |
I have been to Jersey many times due to my Uncle living there and still I have yet to see the elusive Guido…which is a good thing.
April 10, 2008 at 10:25 am |
#62: A Field Guide to Internet People: Guidos…
[...]A lot of people use the Internet these days. That?s why today, The Panda Page wants to break down the anonymity of the Web with a new series called, A Field Guide to Internet People.This week?s subject: New Jersey Sicilians. More specifically, the…
April 10, 2008 at 11:04 am |
Guidos make me sick.
They’re visually repulsive.
Girls, don’t be stupid: stay away from guidos. They’re idiots, they’re ugly, and they’re more concerned with themselves and their own appearance than they are with you.
They won’t treat you right.
April 10, 2008 at 11:05 am |
LOL the guys with the sprayed tan in face and hands are funny.
April 10, 2008 at 11:53 am |
that hairdo is called a Tulip
April 10, 2008 at 1:19 pm |
I’d understood that these were known as Benny’s and that they were actually not from NJ…and certainly not welcome in NJ
http://www.bennygohome.com/Gallery/gallery_bennydom.html
April 10, 2008 at 2:03 pm |
This makes me sad to be from NJ… ughhh
April 10, 2008 at 4:36 pm |
jaeger bomb, jaeger bomb
April 10, 2008 at 4:40 pm |
Im asian, and from jersey, those pics of ppl u posted rnt guidos theyre FAGGOTS. nd i got a blowout dat shit aint a fuckin italian haircut, since wen did italians use gell, dey use greese. dont b mad cus they get more pussy den u so u gotta b bias nd post pics of ppl u went to hs wit. u shuld post a pic of urself, then ill help u get ur page out to da jersey ppl i kno nd u can have fun down at da shore. BeZ
April 10, 2008 at 4:57 pm |
GAY ALERT !!!! GAY ALERT !!!!! holyyyyyyyy crap !!! that’s just freaking scary !!!!!!!!!! ”’runs off screaming!!!!”’
April 10, 2008 at 4:59 pm |
Holy Douchebags Batman!
Seriously these Guidos need to be tagged to trace their migrations patterns and restrict their encroachment into normal society.
One sad note: 10% of Guidos died off over the long winter due to shortage of spray tan.
April 10, 2008 at 5:52 pm |
Great VISUAL of said guidos:
http://www.sharenow.com/base/content/3403/
enjoy
April 10, 2008 at 6:37 pm |
I’m originally from NJ, and I have to say this is spot on! Very funny.
http://bestparentever.com
April 10, 2008 at 6:45 pm |
Orange spray tans are the shit. Especially with lots and lots of cologne.
Cool site ya got here.
April 10, 2008 at 7:12 pm |
lol funny pics…it looks like the eyebrows were plucked and drawn in…on like every single boy in them photos…??
http://www.globalglamour.wordpress.com
April 10, 2008 at 7:58 pm |
hahahahaha, i grew up in nnj, where the guido’s natural habitat is everywhere. they are just free to roam. (only with a license of course).
April 10, 2008 at 8:09 pm |
The guido breed isn’t all over NJ–they mostly congregate in central Jersey (Monmouth County) and the northern McMansion ‘burbs of NYC.
And yes, they do look like that.
April 11, 2008 at 3:36 am |
Added hilarity:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=guido
April 11, 2008 at 5:59 am |
Why is it okay to make fun of Italians? Also, why do you have to make fun of people that look different than you? You should really calm down with the bigotry.
April 11, 2008 at 6:39 am |
haha that why 1 reason i left jersey because i cant take fuckin guidos i swear to go if i saw one right now i would run down the street check my m16 and bayonet out of the amrory and shoot the mother fucker in the legs not to kill him but to keep him out the club then i would use my k-bar to shave off all his gay ridiculus hair and then when he tries to get the rest of his so called mafia friends ill do the same to them and let them no that being a fuckin ginney doesnt make you tough shit being a marine makes u tough shit ( and not to sound cocky just being a troop makes u tougher then 1 of those fags )
April 11, 2008 at 9:10 am |
Are you sure it’s Jersey and not Calgary, Alberta?
April 11, 2008 at 1:35 pm |
this guys are douchebags
- http://www.anythingblack.net
April 11, 2008 at 2:03 pm |
Actually, “BENNY” means Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark and New York
April 11, 2008 at 4:17 pm |
HAHA I love this, I’m from NJ myself and I recognize those people since I went to highschool in a very heavily Guido populated areas. They are usually spoiled sons of very wealthy NJ NY families. If you notice in pic 3 and 4, the person in the center is the same person, I heard that he owns 2 night clubs in NYC and drives a porsche carrera all at the age of 19, its a shame they get to live such a rediculous lifestyle because of their parents
April 11, 2008 at 5:59 pm |
Maybe they know the hot girl who is holding up all of the planes across america.
http://FAQnews.wordpress.com
April 13, 2008 at 12:49 am |
I knew “Tan in a Can” caused brain damage, and now I have more proof. I believe also that Guidos where the inspiration for the movie Zoolander *kissyface*
April 13, 2008 at 12:39 pm |
[...] The Panda Page A Web-series that makes fun of everything on the Internet « #62: A Field Guide to Internet People: Guidos [...]
April 13, 2008 at 3:30 pm |
hahaha.. they all live in staten island ..
April 13, 2008 at 10:31 pm |
c’mon guys…. your orange…. friggin orange. This isn’t X-Files, its real life and unnatural skin color is only attractive near Chernobyl.
April 14, 2008 at 2:28 pm |
Too bad most of the guys in these photos are polish, not Italian! Maybe this blog should be called “Posers” or “Wanna Bes”!
April 15, 2008 at 10:13 pm |
Listen, these guys dress and act like idiots, no question there. Like it has been said before on here, I do not understand why racism against Italian-Americans seems to be so acceptable. You guys ‘hate’ these people because of how they look and because their ‘guidos’, that is prejudice. Amazing how the ethnic slur that is ‘guido’ has become so common. Next time you see one of these guys why don’t you just say “Stupid wops” or “Stupid dagos”, just so that the people around you will know that you are an ignorant bigot.
April 18, 2008 at 9:05 am |
[...] uses the Internet these days. Of course, it USED to be the domain of nerds, outcasts, and other non-athletes. But now [...]
April 26, 2008 at 7:20 am |
Don’t get me wrong, I chill with anybody, any style, but for future reference: Avoid New Jersey, at all cost.
June 3, 2008 at 6:07 pm |
[...] since 99.9% guidos are of that ethnic stock.” Sadly, a rather hilarious post on the Panda page sparked this painful comment from some douchebag who calls him or herself [...]
June 19, 2008 at 12:16 pm |
[URL=http://www.haroldini.cn/l-isola-che-non-c-e] l isola che non c e [/URL] l isola che non c e [URL=http://www.haroldini.cn/traduzione-italiano-arabo] traduzione italiano arabo [/URL] traduzione italiano arabo [URL=http://www.haroldini.cn/vacanza-ostuni] vacanza ostuni [/URL] vacanza ostuni
July 3, 2008 at 2:30 pm |
In the UK we have a similar species known as ‘Chavs’
July 6, 2008 at 11:13 am |
[...] redan ett stort antal texter skrivna där guidos utseende och vanor beskrivs i detalj, till exempel här. En favorit är den här sajten som är helt tillägnad knytnävsdansen ”The guido [...]
July 8, 2008 at 1:13 am |
Sooooo, I Guido is just a more flamboyant looking Bro?
July 21, 2008 at 9:18 pm |
Are these people real? Oompa Loompa escape perhaps? Yeesh…ugly
July 21, 2008 at 10:35 pm |
at least these guys are in one place! You want shameful, how about chavs that run riot throughout England/Wales and Scotland – tacky tracky sports clothing wearing drug taking, alcoholic knife wielding, tax evading dole scrounging criminals with the mental capacity of a 12 year old – they all look emaciated, pale and ill from taking drugs too! When they talk, they talk with a twang purposely put on that will make you wish you were deaf!
July 22, 2008 at 2:43 am |
chavs are far worse.
July 22, 2008 at 5:55 am |
What fucktards… should be filed under douchebagdumbfuckingmorons
July 22, 2008 at 9:59 am |
thanks for sharing.
July 23, 2008 at 9:29 am |
Chavs are definitely much worse than these inane pricks.
@acebaby
Please, for the love of all that is reasonable, learn to use the English language properly and don’t abuse our eyes with that godaweful fucking text speak spelling. It’s horrible, it’s ugly and it’s an insult to the beauty and eloquence of written English.
July 26, 2008 at 9:22 am |
pinches weyes que revientan de nacos, dan asco pinches putos corrientes
July 30, 2008 at 10:09 pm |
“eggo Says:
April 10, 2008 at 11:53 am
that hairdo is called a Tulip”
I beg to differ….the haircut is called a HUGE FAIL.
August 5, 2008 at 6:11 pm |
The boy in pic 3 and 4 is one of the Gotti kids… horrible excuses for human beings. Quite terrifying to look at, and I’m pretty sure if you listen to them speak for too long, you may lose a brain cell here or there.
Hilarity ensues: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/blowingupgotti/
Great site, Panda!
August 6, 2008 at 2:00 pm |
This is racist, and Guido is a racist term.
August 6, 2008 at 9:08 pm |
Guido is as racist as “chav” or using “goth” or “pom” in the wrong context or any other sub cultured term when used – teen slang is all racist or derrogatory cos we are all horrible people, apparently, to the PC (politically correct) among us, who paste red tape on EVERYTHING and make life impossible without lawsuits landing on your doorstep every other “funny look” or breath we make … like you are now… for example – so go eat your red fucking tape cos we couldn’t give a flying shit what yu think anymore!
August 7, 2008 at 5:06 am |
dude thats so funny and true. what kind of fucking losers huh
August 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm |
[...] York City, New Jersey, Boston, Philadelphia, Miami, Chicago, and any city with restaurants having a name ending in a vowel [...]
August 13, 2008 at 8:44 pm |
why the hell do they think they look good? they look like freakin oompa loompas w/ that spray on orange (cause it can’t be called a spray on tan… its not tan!). and that 2nd to last photo w/ the “guy” and the “girl” — they both look like trannies… sorry if that’s offensive to you trannies but come on, you know it’s not really a good look.
August 14, 2008 at 9:03 pm |
Go to Long Island. They’re all over the place. They think they’re from Brooklyn. This is a major problem in America that must be dealt with, right before high gas prices.
August 15, 2008 at 10:57 pm |
It’s actually not racist as they WANT to be called Guidos … now want racism… instead of calling them Guidos call them W.O.P.s of Guinieas… THATS racism …
August 26, 2008 at 1:06 am |
Andrew? You swear to go…and “that why 1 reason” You is of smartness……………smart man need big gun because smart man has small penis.
Acebaby? Can you spell? Furthermore, can you re write your entire ramblings in english?
Slacker? You say “please learn to use the english language” then spell awful wrong….well done champ, once again….w.e.l.l. done c.h.a.m.p
Mark? My son is 12,and quite intelligent…oh, and my dog is smarter than you.
Samantha? You have obviously been there with one…………..are you visually impaired? God bless you for taking your message to your world. There should be more community announcements such as yours.
Here’s one you can use ‘I, SAMANTHA, FUCKED A GUIDO………..can someone tell me what this rash is???’
To the “Guido’s”..keep up the look, it gives me a chance to make fun at the simpleton, smacktards who are making fun of you…………………..
October 13, 2008 at 10:38 pm |
Straight Faggotry!
November 24, 2008 at 8:57 pm |
So exactly what do Italians call “guinea pigs”?
December 21, 2008 at 4:15 pm |
http://NewJerseyOnlinePharmacy.Com/
January 24, 2009 at 5:54 pm |
hey hey not all of us are like how you people are talkin, we good guys. every ethnicity has there own thing leave ours alone.
September 1, 2011 at 11:25 am |
I guess you will want to put a facebook icon to your website. Just bookmarked the article, although I must complete this manually. Just my 2 cents.
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